omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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