dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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