I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
