I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
