WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
