i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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