I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
