I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
