i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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