I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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