the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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