Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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