The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
