Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
