She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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