ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
