I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
