I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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