Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
