On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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