My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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