My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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