census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
