I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
