Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
