Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
