where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
