we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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