So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
