im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
