Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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