i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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