toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
