the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
