So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
