She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
