I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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