I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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