i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
