My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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