I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
