but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
