so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize