I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
