1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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