sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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