Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
