Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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