Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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