You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
