I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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