SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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