I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
