What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
