Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
one might say we're banned from that church
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
