Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
