I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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