discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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