I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
