Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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