I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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