dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
