speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Everything about him screamed your future.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
