I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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