Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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