I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
