I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
