even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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