I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
