Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you win again, gameday.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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