Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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