when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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