tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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