come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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