If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
