I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
