Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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