your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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