i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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